Well, I tried really hard to write something great and juicy, I have a great scene to tell everyone about, but, something else has happened that I just can't get out of mind. So, I am going to blog about it and hopefully get it off my chest.
My daughter, who is eleven came to me the other day and asked me if she could speak privately to me. Of course I agreed and she says to me "I've been having pain here" as she lifts up her shirt. Now, let me make it clear, my daughter is very petite, yet, has always worn her shirts way to big for her. Imagine my surprise to see that her breasts have begun to grow. I nearly fell off of my chair.
So, what is the big deal you might ask? Well, she is the oldest of my kids, and she is the only girl. My baby girl. Who, is obviously no longer a baby. It struck me just how grown up she has become. I knew that she had a "boyfriend" but, it was the kind that starts because he writes a note and says to check the box yes or no, does she like him sort of thing. It is so hard for me to accept that she is growing so fast.
I was eleven when I had sex for the first time. That fact scares the crap out of me. I mean, we keep a much tighter reign on her then my parents did me. I also feel closer to her then I did to my mom at that age. But, maybe it is just me, maybe I just >want< to believe I'm close enough for her to come to about sex. We have had the conversations about it, she knows what it is, how it happens and all that. She also knows my views, as well as my husbands about waiting for the right person. But, will that be enough to help her make good choices.
I am scared to death she will make the same mistakes I did. I was pregnant with twins at fourteen. I miscarried them on my fifteenth birthday. It was horrible. Even at such a young age. I wanted to be a mother. I know now that it is for the best. I still don't want her to have to go through that experience. The father, was the first man I ever loved. When he found out I was pregnant, not only did he leave town, he left the entire state. Afraid, according to him, of what my family would do to him. I think he just didn't want the responsibility of kids. The rejection and loss. I know I can't keep her protected forever, but, it is my instict to do what I can.
Guess I'm gonna have to go out and buy her a training bra and hope for the best.
TW: Abuse/SA/Language/Suicide/Death A place to put down my thoughts about my past and current place to deal with my trauma and healing.
Monday, June 07, 2004
Friday, June 04, 2004
A Night To Remember
She moves into the room, tired from working, tired of all the men who stare at her like she is a piece of meat. Treating her like common garbage. It takes her a moment to realize that the house is unusually quiet and she glances around. That's when she spots him, coming down from the hallway. He looks unhappy, she wonders where the children are, but before she can ask, he speaks up " Your behavior the last couple of days is not acceptable, in the corner, now" She opens her mouth to protest, though the words die on her lips as he is in the light and she can no see how serious he looks.
She moves over to the corner, wondering which part of the last few days she is being punished for. She feels his hand on the back of her head, pushing her face into the corner " Don't move, do you understand me?" "Yes Master" comes the soft reply. With a suddenness that suprises her, he yanks down her pants and gives her a hard swat on the bottom, causing her to jump slightly and whimper a bit, she's never had him do this before and she can't help but feel a tiny thrill rush through her, his words are gruff as he speaks "I told you I didn't like that name, think of another" "Yes Daddy" comes the timid reply, her body tensing as she waits to see if this will satisfy him or not. It must because she can hear the soft padding of his feet as he moves off.
"Don't" comes the one word response as she reaches down to pull her pants back up. She can't help but notices how wet she is becoming. How deliciously humiliating to have to stand in the corner with her bare ass sticking out for him to look at if he wants, or to spank. A million things swirl through her mind as she stands there wondering what comes next. Will he spank her again? Will he leave her there for a long time? The need to know is unbearable and her thoughts drift off to other things. Will she get the chance to show him she is sorry? Will he believe her? Will she get the chance to be his good girl once again, get the honor of slowly and gently sucking on his cock as he grips her hair and fucks her mouth? Will he allow her to wrap her legs around him and squeeze him inside her body, milking him, pleasing him. A soft whimper escapes her as she thinks about it.
He takes her by the hair and leads her over to another corner, there is a chair there. It is ugly, but, it has no arms on it, she shivers as she notes the things sitting next to the chair, a brush, a wooden spoon, her collar with his nametag on it, his words interrupts her thoughts. "Show me your body slut" Her hands fumble to get her shirt off and she drops it to the floor, a hard smack on her bottom brings her face up to look at him, he looks stern but the lust can be seen there too " Fold your shirt, I don't want any messes, understood?" She nods and again he smacks her ass. " Don't you nod at me, you will answer me out loud, do you understand?" "Yes" comes the reply " Yes what?" he says and she chokes back a sigh, knowing she screwed up "Yes Daddy" she murmurs, and her heart jumps a bit at his smile, she's managed to make him happy.
"Do you know why your being punished?" she begins to shake her head but stops, remembering his words "No Daddy" He scowls and her heart sinks, she knows that she should know the answer, but she doesn't, she's been a brat the last couple of days and she isn't sure which part has prompted this, she watches as his hand reaches down and picks up the collar and holds it out to her, she puts it on obediently. She feels her wetness making her lips slippery, causing them to rub against each other as she kneels in front of him as he points. "You allowed yourself to orgasm without my permission, that is not acceptable" She opens her mouth to explain, but is cut off when he grabs an arm and pulls her over his lap. " Chose your punishment"
She reaches out and slowly picks up the hairbrush. She shivers as she hands it to him and he bends her further over his lap, using the back of the brush to rub her upturned ass. She enjoys the coolness of it on her body, she closes her eyes. WACK! One, two, three smacks. Her body jerks, but she doesn't put her ass down, she holds her position for him, groaning softly as her pussy begins to throb, the heat from her spanking transferring to a sexual desire. She can see his cock beginning to grow in his pants and she tries to reach for him. He jerks on the leash and snarls at her " No slut, I say when you get it, do you understand" " Yes Daddy" comes the muffled reply. Four, Five, Six more swats, her ass dancing in the air, the carefully placed aims creating a delicious pattern on her ass. " You like it don't you whore? You like having your naughty little ass spanked don't you?" Her refusal to answer earns her swats number Seven, Eight, and Nine and somehow, despite the fact that her brain is swirling with colors she manages to mutter " Yes Daddy" He smiles as he runs his fingers over the burning skin, soothing it with just his touch, his fingers sliding between her legs to dip into her wetness, stroking her, her body trembles and he laughs softly. "Oh yes, I knew you'd like this" Swats number Ten, Eleven, and Twelve remind her that this is a punishment, practically dancing around on her knees, though it is hard to tell if it is due to trying to get more, or get away.
The unzipping of his pants fills her with gratitude, now she can show him how sorry she is, she can make him happy once more. His beautiful cock springs free, a drop of precum dripping from it and he takes a handful of her hair into his hand and pushes her face down and rubs his cock over her face, his other hand reaching down to pinch her nipples. Her mouth opens up out of instinct, out of desire and he laughs again and takes his cock, using it to slap her in the face. " You truly are my little cocksocker aren't you? You love licking and sucking on my cock like a paid whore don't you?" She nods and he slaps her ass again, reminding her to answer with words. " Yes Daddy, I love your cock" He shoves it into her mouth, nearly gagging her on it, but she adjusts quickly and begins to devour it, sucking, licking, stroking it with her tongue, He begins to spank her again, her red hot ass dancing in delight, even though she can barely feel the pain through her pleasure. She feels him twitch soon after and she prepares to swallow his cum, though it doesn't appear, instead, he pulls out of her mouth and cockslaps her face again with one hand while dipping his fingers into her throbbing cunt. "I am going to fuck you now and your not allowed to cum until I say so" She whimpers but turns so that her upturned and beat red ass is pointed up at him, she feels his strong hands gripping her hips as he drops to his knees behind her, his cock sliding up and down over her sore ass, soothing it, exciting her "Tell me how you want it slut" comes his guttural growl. " Please. . I want your cock inside me Daddy, fill me up with it, stick it in me and claim me as yours" He shoves deep and hard, pushing deep inside her with one stroke. One hand remains on her hip as the other travels slowly up her backside to tangle into her hair, he pulls back hard, forcing her to look at him, the lust in her eyes meeting the lust in his and she reaches down to touch herself. He jerks even harder on her, nearly pulling her upright "Did I say you could touch my toy? You are here for my pleasure, not yours, do you understand me whore? " "Do you ?" he says as he reaches out to twist one of her nipples and she nods, realizing her mistake he shoves her down before she can correct it and begins to paddle her ass with his hand, stroke after stroke " Say your sorry slut, tell me each time I shove my dick into you that your sorry for coming without permission" his hand raising and coming down on her ass, she shoves hard against him, whimpering in delight, murmuring the words he has instructed, adding a few " yes daddy's" in there for good measure, her head swirling with the intensity of the pleasure. His hand continues to spank her, soft but firm at first, then, increasing with intensity, she feels him begging to surge, shoving deep into her, one hand twisting and pulling her nipples, the other hand continuing to crack down on her ass, the sound reverberating throughout the room. A final plunge into her and she feels him spewing his hot cum inside her and she can't hold back anymore, her body thrashing about as her orgasm rips through her, nearly sobbing she collapses on the bed.
He reaches out to take her into his arms, holding her silently, stroking her burning ass and caressing her hair, he begins to tell her how much she pleased him, how well she took her punishment, how excited it made him to see her submitting to him finally, he speaks the words of love that she needs to hear, as well as the reassurance that life is only going to get better for her. After a few moments, her happy tears subside and she curls tightly around him with a soft sigh, her body, her mind, her emotions all having been drained, a thrill of anticipation washes through her again as she hears his soft laughter and he speaks quietly into the darkness "You didn't ask to cum tonight"
She moves over to the corner, wondering which part of the last few days she is being punished for. She feels his hand on the back of her head, pushing her face into the corner " Don't move, do you understand me?" "Yes Master" comes the soft reply. With a suddenness that suprises her, he yanks down her pants and gives her a hard swat on the bottom, causing her to jump slightly and whimper a bit, she's never had him do this before and she can't help but feel a tiny thrill rush through her, his words are gruff as he speaks "I told you I didn't like that name, think of another" "Yes Daddy" comes the timid reply, her body tensing as she waits to see if this will satisfy him or not. It must because she can hear the soft padding of his feet as he moves off.
"Don't" comes the one word response as she reaches down to pull her pants back up. She can't help but notices how wet she is becoming. How deliciously humiliating to have to stand in the corner with her bare ass sticking out for him to look at if he wants, or to spank. A million things swirl through her mind as she stands there wondering what comes next. Will he spank her again? Will he leave her there for a long time? The need to know is unbearable and her thoughts drift off to other things. Will she get the chance to show him she is sorry? Will he believe her? Will she get the chance to be his good girl once again, get the honor of slowly and gently sucking on his cock as he grips her hair and fucks her mouth? Will he allow her to wrap her legs around him and squeeze him inside her body, milking him, pleasing him. A soft whimper escapes her as she thinks about it.
He takes her by the hair and leads her over to another corner, there is a chair there. It is ugly, but, it has no arms on it, she shivers as she notes the things sitting next to the chair, a brush, a wooden spoon, her collar with his nametag on it, his words interrupts her thoughts. "Show me your body slut" Her hands fumble to get her shirt off and she drops it to the floor, a hard smack on her bottom brings her face up to look at him, he looks stern but the lust can be seen there too " Fold your shirt, I don't want any messes, understood?" She nods and again he smacks her ass. " Don't you nod at me, you will answer me out loud, do you understand?" "Yes" comes the reply " Yes what?" he says and she chokes back a sigh, knowing she screwed up "Yes Daddy" she murmurs, and her heart jumps a bit at his smile, she's managed to make him happy.
"Do you know why your being punished?" she begins to shake her head but stops, remembering his words "No Daddy" He scowls and her heart sinks, she knows that she should know the answer, but she doesn't, she's been a brat the last couple of days and she isn't sure which part has prompted this, she watches as his hand reaches down and picks up the collar and holds it out to her, she puts it on obediently. She feels her wetness making her lips slippery, causing them to rub against each other as she kneels in front of him as he points. "You allowed yourself to orgasm without my permission, that is not acceptable" She opens her mouth to explain, but is cut off when he grabs an arm and pulls her over his lap. " Chose your punishment"
She reaches out and slowly picks up the hairbrush. She shivers as she hands it to him and he bends her further over his lap, using the back of the brush to rub her upturned ass. She enjoys the coolness of it on her body, she closes her eyes. WACK! One, two, three smacks. Her body jerks, but she doesn't put her ass down, she holds her position for him, groaning softly as her pussy begins to throb, the heat from her spanking transferring to a sexual desire. She can see his cock beginning to grow in his pants and she tries to reach for him. He jerks on the leash and snarls at her " No slut, I say when you get it, do you understand" " Yes Daddy" comes the muffled reply. Four, Five, Six more swats, her ass dancing in the air, the carefully placed aims creating a delicious pattern on her ass. " You like it don't you whore? You like having your naughty little ass spanked don't you?" Her refusal to answer earns her swats number Seven, Eight, and Nine and somehow, despite the fact that her brain is swirling with colors she manages to mutter " Yes Daddy" He smiles as he runs his fingers over the burning skin, soothing it with just his touch, his fingers sliding between her legs to dip into her wetness, stroking her, her body trembles and he laughs softly. "Oh yes, I knew you'd like this" Swats number Ten, Eleven, and Twelve remind her that this is a punishment, practically dancing around on her knees, though it is hard to tell if it is due to trying to get more, or get away.
The unzipping of his pants fills her with gratitude, now she can show him how sorry she is, she can make him happy once more. His beautiful cock springs free, a drop of precum dripping from it and he takes a handful of her hair into his hand and pushes her face down and rubs his cock over her face, his other hand reaching down to pinch her nipples. Her mouth opens up out of instinct, out of desire and he laughs again and takes his cock, using it to slap her in the face. " You truly are my little cocksocker aren't you? You love licking and sucking on my cock like a paid whore don't you?" She nods and he slaps her ass again, reminding her to answer with words. " Yes Daddy, I love your cock" He shoves it into her mouth, nearly gagging her on it, but she adjusts quickly and begins to devour it, sucking, licking, stroking it with her tongue, He begins to spank her again, her red hot ass dancing in delight, even though she can barely feel the pain through her pleasure. She feels him twitch soon after and she prepares to swallow his cum, though it doesn't appear, instead, he pulls out of her mouth and cockslaps her face again with one hand while dipping his fingers into her throbbing cunt. "I am going to fuck you now and your not allowed to cum until I say so" She whimpers but turns so that her upturned and beat red ass is pointed up at him, she feels his strong hands gripping her hips as he drops to his knees behind her, his cock sliding up and down over her sore ass, soothing it, exciting her "Tell me how you want it slut" comes his guttural growl. " Please. . I want your cock inside me Daddy, fill me up with it, stick it in me and claim me as yours" He shoves deep and hard, pushing deep inside her with one stroke. One hand remains on her hip as the other travels slowly up her backside to tangle into her hair, he pulls back hard, forcing her to look at him, the lust in her eyes meeting the lust in his and she reaches down to touch herself. He jerks even harder on her, nearly pulling her upright "Did I say you could touch my toy? You are here for my pleasure, not yours, do you understand me whore? " "Do you ?" he says as he reaches out to twist one of her nipples and she nods, realizing her mistake he shoves her down before she can correct it and begins to paddle her ass with his hand, stroke after stroke " Say your sorry slut, tell me each time I shove my dick into you that your sorry for coming without permission" his hand raising and coming down on her ass, she shoves hard against him, whimpering in delight, murmuring the words he has instructed, adding a few " yes daddy's" in there for good measure, her head swirling with the intensity of the pleasure. His hand continues to spank her, soft but firm at first, then, increasing with intensity, she feels him begging to surge, shoving deep into her, one hand twisting and pulling her nipples, the other hand continuing to crack down on her ass, the sound reverberating throughout the room. A final plunge into her and she feels him spewing his hot cum inside her and she can't hold back anymore, her body thrashing about as her orgasm rips through her, nearly sobbing she collapses on the bed.
He reaches out to take her into his arms, holding her silently, stroking her burning ass and caressing her hair, he begins to tell her how much she pleased him, how well she took her punishment, how excited it made him to see her submitting to him finally, he speaks the words of love that she needs to hear, as well as the reassurance that life is only going to get better for her. After a few moments, her happy tears subside and she curls tightly around him with a soft sigh, her body, her mind, her emotions all having been drained, a thrill of anticipation washes through her again as she hears his soft laughter and he speaks quietly into the darkness "You didn't ask to cum tonight"
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