My Dad

My Dad is a good man. Plain and simple. He has made mistakes, yes, but, at heart he is a good man. His family has always been his first priority. I can remember him working two and sometimes three jobs to support us. I wish I could say this allowed my mother to stay home, but it didn't.

One of my fondest memories of my father came on one of my birthdays. I don't remember how old I was. I do remember my mother telling me I had a "blind date" and I was so excited. She dressed me up in my favorite peach dress and did my hair real pretty. When she shooed me out the door to wait on the front steps, my dad was sitting there staring out at the flowers in the yard. He looked so thoughtful I didn't say a word, I just went up behind him and put my little hands on his shoulders and began to rub them. He turned and smiled up at me and I remember thinking I was so lucky.

My dad is a big guy. Born and raised in Texas, he has had his own battles in life. When he was just a boy, his mother died in childbirth. That left him with just his dad and his four brothers. His dad often left town to find work, leaving them alone for months at a time with my father being the oldest, it was his job to take care of the younger brothers.

After two years of this, the state heard about it and came in to remove all the kids. They were placed in an orphanage after my grandfather was declared unfit. Several years later, my father ran away and did odd jobs on the street. One of them was sweeping the sidewalk for a woman who owned a beauty shop. Turns out the woman was very well off and did this only for a hobby. She was a widower and took an instant liking to my father. When the police finally found him and tried to return him to the orphanage, she stepped in and after a rather quick court battle, she legally adopted him.

Then he went into the army, and married. That marriage didn't last, and when he was done serving his time in the military, he began to drink. He told me once that he lost an entire month of time due to his drinking.

When he met my mom, she already had two children, and he was a raging alcoholic. He told her on their first date that he would stop drinking so that they could get married. A month later they were married and that was almost forty years ago.

Fast forward to present day and my father has a several health issues. He has a heart disease. He has diabetes. Until recently, he did nothing to help either of those two situations, despite having had two open heart surgeries and a total of five new bypasses put in.

He has a "do not resuscitate" order, which means they can not use any kind of life saving methods should his heart stop.

He lives on borrowed time. I think of this often and my heart climbs up into my throat and I cry. I can't imagine my life without him. Even though we are far apart in miles, we email each other often.

Which, leads me to today's post. He emailed me today after I sent him my own email telling him how much I love him. How much he means to me. I don't know if he wrote this himself, or if he found it on the net somewhere, so, this is not me trying to copy someone's work, I just wanted to share this with someone out there. It touched me so deeply. This is the poem he sent to me.

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

When tomorrow starts without me
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time you think of me
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name
and took me by the hand
and said my place was ready
in heaven far above
and that I would have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
As I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from his great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity, and all I've promised you."
Today my life on Earth is past
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow
but today will always last,
and since each day is the same day
there's no longing for the past.
So won't you take my hand, and share my life with me?
When tomorrow starts without me
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.