A Little of This and a Little of That

Shades of Woe left me a comment that said “No to rain on your parade or anything, I admire your motivation, but why would you choose to be a FULL TIME student when you already have a lot to handle? Wasn't part time an option?” and I felt the need to address this.

I have never been good at doing anything at a slow pace. Going part time would have probably fit better into my schedule, but it is not within me to do something that will prolong the end result.

When I cook, everything is cooked on high if it is possible. I would rather stand over the stove for an hour and be done with it then have to run out and stir something for three hours. I realize that some things are not cooked well on high and for those things; I do force myself to slow down and flick the knob over to medium. I have no idea what the hell the “low” setting on my stovetop does.

It is the same with life. I jump in with both feet and do the best I can. I really do function better under pressure then I do without. In addition to this, is the fact that Chris is attending full time and we will be taking the same classes with the same teachers. This means that he can keep me up to date on when the assignments are due and help me if I need it. He is like my own personal tutor. The man is too smart for his own damn good.

I think this goes back to my bi-polar disorder. It is common for me to feel like I can take on the world during my manic episodes. Only when the depression sinks in do I feel like I am not capable of completing my tasks. I can honestly say that I have been doing very well at keeping the depression away from me.

It’s been hard and that bitch has tried to sneak up on me more then once in the last couple of weeks, but I am fighting back and for a change I am winning the fight. I am realistic enough to know that it may not always be this way. There is a very good chance that she will creep up on me and bash me over the head when I’m not looking, but for now I am going to keep my eyes open for her and try to head her off at the pass.

I look at my life and I feel good. We are not in the best financial situation right now, but, we have the basic needs for ourselves and our children. Our kids are good kids at heart, a little rough around the edges, but all in all pretty good kids. We have a roof over our heads and both Chris and I are working towards a life that will better us in the long run. I have great friends that I love and adore with all of my heart and every single day I am grateful for them. I have Chris who is the love of my life and my soul mate. He treats me like a princess and on the rare occasion that we do fight, it ends very quickly and things are always better between us. We never have to worry about fighting over the big things. Neither of us has a physical addiction that impairs us. Neither of us would dream of cheating on the other. Neither of us abuses the other. We do not fight about money. We really are a very good team and when I am not losing my mind, we work very well together to figure out a solution to whatever the problem may be.

Our latest issue is our daughter’s school work. Every day she comes home and every day Chris or I ask her if she has homework. Very seldom does she actually say that she does. Each of the kids have a ‘planner” that was bought at the beginning of the school year and every day the children are supposed to fill it out. She doesn’t refuse so much as she gets distracted and doesn’t do it. Oh she is responsible for not doing it; don’t mistake what I’m saying for an excuse. She does have ADHD and that means, by the doctor’s explanation, that her brain moves faster then it should and she has a hard time focusing on one thing. So, by the time she realizes the teacher has told her to get out her planner and fill it out, she’s forgotten what she is supposed to write in it. So, as a compromise, we agreed that instead of writing down everything she did do, she was supposed to write down everything that she is supposed to complete. Well, she’s not doing this either and we got a call from her teachers. Well, to be more precise, Chris got the call. Teacher informed him that my daughter has a 30% in her class. Now, this is a shock because my daughter tests very highly on all of her test scores. She is in the top 5% of her class. She does college level math. She speaks two different languages and she’s got a 30% in one of her classes?! So, stupid me, made the mistake of asking what class she was failing in. Health. She is freaking failing her HEALTH class!!! In hearing all the details, she is not so much failing as she is missing a ton of assignments. When we asked her why she didn’t have them turned in her response was “Because I already know all that stuff!” So, I let her in on a little secret that she didn’t know. She would be doing all the chores for the next week. Chris chimed in with something else she didn’t know. She no longer had a television, vcr, or stereo in her room.

Hopefully we will see some better results in the coming weeks.

So, I have also been thinking about what Chris said about resolutions. He knows that I have all these things I want to do to improve my life, but he insisted that I come up with one that will be fun for me. His “fun” resolution is to learn Japanese. So after a long time in thinking of it, I came up with something that will be a lot of fun for me. Now, don’t laugh, I’m serious about this. It is something that I did with my family a long time ago that I loved to do and have been wanting to go back to for a long time. Now, I know that getting Chris to agree is going to be about as easy as getting a plane to fly without it’s wings. However, I am determined to get him to go to square dancing lessons with me. That’s right folks, Nikki loves to square dance.

Now I shall slink of in shame and plot how to convince my husband that it will be fun.