Jumble

My mind is jumble. I have so many things floating around. It is hard for me to think or focus on one thing at a time. I just want to cry. I just want to rage. I just want to sleep. I just want to laugh. I just want to be.

Every day I have sat down and tried to write something, but the words always get stuck. Sometimes I have to close my eyes and let my fingers dance over the keyboard as the memories come, and I tried even that. When I went to proof read it was like I was reading someone else's life. I feel so disconnected from it, yet it is very much in the front of my mind.

Music has always been something that is very important to me. I don't play an instrument anymore, haven't for a long time. I sing, but it's the sort of singing you do when no one is around to hear you, in the shower, in the car, or sometimes with my kids as we are goofing around.

There are certain songs that trigger specific events in my mind. "Round Here" was the song that was playing when my youngest child was born. Every time that I hear it my mind drifts there and I am filled with a peaceful feeling.