Charlie

I had fully intended that the next post was going to finish up the "Nikki and Chris' first Valentine"

However, life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it.

One week ago today was my beautiful sister's birthday, I have tried hard not to focus on this and stay positive, knowing it is what she would want.

Let me tell you about someone else in my family. Charles Byron Shilling. Charlie is what we called him.

I remember my cousin Charlie fondly. He was a great big guy, at least to me, which wasn't hard since he was 10 years older then I was.

Always a great deal of fun, but, too much fun can bring trouble knocking on your door.

His home life was not stable. His parents were constantly fighting, his dad an alchoholic. It was his job to look after his two younger sisters as he was the oldest of the three.

He took this job very seriously and it wasn't long before it began to extend to the rest of us. When my sister was killed, leaving me as the only girl in my family, it was as if suddenly all the male cousins and upgraded themselves into being my brothers.

Charlie seemed to be there more, perhaps only because we often found ourselves at the same parties. The differance was, he was old enough to drink and do what he wanted and I was not. I did them anyway.

He made damn sure that I was always looked after during these parties. I heard stories whispered about girls who were taken advantage of, but never me, and I knew that it was because people were terrified of Charlie, and Nick, and David, and Angel, and the rest of my older cousins who were well known as scrappers.

Not only were they serious scrappers, often striking out in anger rather quickly, but, they also had each other's backs. Everyone knew that *IF* they managed to beat one of us down, they would eventually get it anyway, that's just the way that it was. We didn't go out looking for trouble and we never threw the first punch, that was the rule by then, we didn't hit first, however, my family had suffered enough and while unspoken, we knew that none of us would ever allow anyone to get away with hitting us again. My sister taught us all that lesson.

So, tonight I say goodbye to Charlie, who was my friend, my cousin, my protecter. Here is his story, and my little tribute to him.


Charlie's Story


MY TRIBUTE TO CHARLIE

You took my hand and walked me through
The hardest years of my life
You had the words
You made the sacrifice

You made me laugh
Now I will cry
My heart is broken
I must say goodbye

Time will heal the wounds
That is what they say
All I can do is kneel and pray

Dear Lord,
Please watch over my cousin Charlie. I know he's done some bad things in life, but as your earthly children, none of us are perfect. Yes I know, he neglected many of things he should have paid attention to and gave more attention to things he shouldn't, but I pray that you open up your arms and welcome him home. Reunite him with those he's stood beside me and mourned, they will teach him the way now. Thank you for giving us this time with him, short as it may seem to us and please forgive me if I selfishly weep for my loss, even when those above rejoice to see him once more. Finally Lord, give him the love he has always felt lacking, heal the wounds of his soul. Make him whole again. He will forever stand above and watch us, another guardian angel in our lives. Seeing his daughter's grow. These are things that I pray for now, for a man who gave so much. Please Dear Lord, let him in.


Dear Charlie,
Too many years have passed, but please know that you have never been far from my thoughts. Our lives had no choice but to go seperate ways, but I have always and always will love you. I will not be able to see you laid to rest, you know we can't afford it, but my heart will be there and I will kneel and pray during that time. You were always loved, I wish that you could have seen it. I wish you could have seen how much you were worth to those in your life. I wish that you could have let go of the drugs, the alchohol, the resentment, the anger and hurt. As much as I wished for those things when you were alive, I know that they are now simply a given. Please give my love to Melody, and Grandma and Grandpa, and Aunt Pearl and Uncle Jack. I will do my best to watch your daughter's from afar, being here if there is anything I can do for them. Somehow though, I know that with all that they have above us, I will probably not be needed. Look down and smile, even at our tears, for you were so loved, and always will be. Forever loving you. Nikki.