My Weekend

I wanted to write something about Mother's Day. My idea of it, or, about my own mother, but, honestly I have been to preoccupied with my own dealings to think of too many things to write.

Bad case of writer's block.

Friday I went to work as usual. Clocked in at 3:30. Nearing 6:00 I felt a bit nauseated. I decided I had better take my break and go to the bathroom before I threw up all the nothingness that was in my belly. I realized that there was blood in my urine. Then the pain started. I went back to my desk and tried deep breathing to relax myself. I knew it was going to be futile, so, I hunted down a supervisor and told her I needed to leave so I could go to the hospital. She told me to go because I looked like death warmed over. I went back to my desk to collect my things when my head began swimming. Darkness and light mixing and fear began to overwhelm me. Another superviser sitting near me asked if I was all right, if she should call an ambulance. I said no, give me a minute. A minute was a minute too late and I am suprised, even now, that I had the presense of mind to move myself to the floor. As she was helping me, I passed out. At some point, I went into convulsions, woke up, passed out again. Then I was being loaded into an ambulance.

"Is this Chris?"
"Yes"
"Your wife is Nikki?"
"Yes"
"This is her supervisor and I wanted to let you know she was just taken by ambulance to the hospital"
"What happened"
"She was bleeding and passed out, she thought it might be her kidneys"

That was the extent of information passed on to my husband. Meanwhile, I am at the hospital and they are talking about how my white cell count is high and I hear whispered talks of cancer. I know that people do not just have convulsions and my family has a history of brain tumors. I am terrified. I am medicated and, I am alone.

I cried. I cried for hours. They gave me morphine for the pain. Then more because the first dose didn't help. Then they gave me another type of pain medication that I don't remember the name of. They took me in and did a CT scan of my head and my stomach. They put me on EKG machines and heart moniters and shoved a tube up my nose to help me breathe.

Hours later, they tell me. I have a large kidney stone. It is infected. It has infected my kidneys, my urinary track, and my bladder.

They sent me home with antiboitics and pain medication. I still feel like shit.

Saturday was a horrible day for me. I had a serious breakdown. So bad that Chris nearly called and had me commited to the psychiatric hospital. Right now I'm too tired to go into that story.