A Quick Update

Things in my home have been sorta weird. We've had good news and bad news. Not really sharing the good news just yet for fear of jinxing it.

I have to go in on Monday morning for a lithotripsy, which is where they put me to sleep and slide me into some water and bounce soundwaves off my kidney to destroy the stone that is lingering there causing me so much pain.

I am afraid, but, I have to get it done so that I can stop suffering and get back to work.

I have spoken to the mother of the twins I blogged about a couple of days ago and have decided to go with the advice I was given. I will give the two girls all the love that I can and hope for the best. They will be joining us again on Sunday and I am still working on what we will do with them. I was thrilled when their mom told me that they both said they wanted to have their birthday party with "Aunt Nikki". She said they even drew some pictures for me.

Thank you so much for the advice. I think I knew what I needed to do, I simply need to be reassured that it was the right decision.

I wish I had more confidance in myself when it comes to things like this. I feel so strongly about things but, because of my submissive nature I always second guess myself.

I know that sounds like a copeout. I have often wondered if I turn to my submissiveness as an exscuse to turn to someone else and have them give me the answers.

I so need a spanking. I swear. I am in such a mind fuck sort of place right now. I can't really focuse or decide how I'm feeling.

I want him to bend me over and paddle my ass while I suck his cock. I love the way I feel when I am curled up against him with it in my mouth, tasting the smoothness, feeling it grow hard in my mouth, listning to his happy little noises. I love when he talks nasty to me. I love it when he calls me his little whore and tells me how he's going to fuck me real slow. I love the way that my ass feels after he's spanked me, all hot and glowy as I curl my body up against his and drift off to sleep.

Maybe it will help me sleep, which has been a problem for me lately. A problem that just pisses me off to no end. I hate laying in the dark with my mind whirling full of shit. Take a rest. Back off and let me close my eyes and empty my mind.

I think I'll go ask for that spanking now.