Dear Substitute Ann Landers

Every day I read the "Ann Landers" column in the paper. Yes I know she passed away, but, I still call it that because I can't be bothered learning the names of the women who took over. I find the delima's of people to be A) something I can relate to, B) interesting, or C) so amusing that I actually have to laugh out loud. I like the ones, where people make "advice lists" so, I decided I would write my own letter to Ann Landers.

Dear Substitute Ann Landers,

I see you print alot of "do and don't lists". Thought I would include mine in that little group. This is a list of do's and don't's for people who are visiting my truck stop.

1. Don't tell me how to do my job, most of you are truckers, not managers.
2. This is my place of employment, not your house, pick up after your own damn self.
3. I don't care what the other store does, I'm telling you how it's done at mine. Shut up.
4. Stop saying "typical service for this place". We are a busy store, get over, or go somewhere else.
5. When you see the sign saying "local checks only", don't try to convince me you've written checks here before when you are obviously not local.
6. Never ever, go into a place, with only one way to pay for your stuff, unless it's cash.
7. Follow your mother's advice. If you can't say anything nice. Shut up.
8. I am not your "sweetheart", "suger", " darling", "dear", "love" or any of the other stupid names you make up to call me. I have a name, and it's right here on my damn badge. Learn to read.
9. If you are from another country, please learn how to give me your company name, your truck number, tell me how you will be paying, and, if need be, your plate number.
10. If you can't do #9, don't get pissed if I ask you the same thing several times, it annoys the hell out of me too.
11. That really cool toy that is on display that says "press me". Don't press it unless you really think you might buy it. I listen to that fucker at least 30 times in an hour, and at a minute long for each little demonstration, means I listen to it for half an hour, and sell one a week.
12. Don't ask me to go get things for you, if you are not going to buy them.
13. Have your money ready. Don't make me wait while you dig out change. If you can drive a truck, you should be able to add and know what your spending.
14. If I ask you for information, it's because I need it, not because I want it. Just give me the damn answers.
15. Don't stand in front of me to "fix" your money in your wallet.
16. Don't try to run a credit card you know is maxxed out.
17. I am a hell of a fast cashier. I can ring up 70 people in an hour. The reason you wait so long in my line, is because the person in front of does one or more of the others listed here.
18. See the ring on my finger? Means I'm married. No I don't want to have dinner with you, no I don't want to have your children, no I don't want to go fuck in your truck. Get bent.
19. When I ask for your drivers liscense, give me the damn thing, I need the information on it, because I can tell you, looking at your face in person is alot less painful then that picture.
20. STOP STEALING!
21. PAY FOR YOUR GAS!
22. Don't yell at me, call me a bitch, whore, or cunt. I will get nasty.
23. Whoever told you "The customer is always right" lied. I will get in your face if you get in mine.
24. If I tell you I'm not selling you tobacco or alchohol, don't tell me I can't refuse. I can, I will, I did. Fuck off.
25. Seriously, I know my counter is just the right height, but don't lift your nasty ass belly up and flop it down on my counter. I have to desinfect. It's time consuming.
26. If you make a mess, clean it up. Or, you know, at the very least, have the curtesy to tell me there is one so I can have someone else do it.
27. Everyone makes mistakes. If you drive off with my pump still in your tank, it's all good, just FUCKING TELL ME!
28. No, I do not discount the food at any point in time. We are open 24/7, 365 days a year, so is the restraunt who provides us the food. We shut down the deli for one hour a night to clean it, the food is kept fresh.
29. Stop acting like I owe you. I don't.
30. Try smiling, speaking in a pleasent tone, and adding please and thank you every once in a while. You have no idea how far it goes.


Now, with all that said. It sounds like I hate my job. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, I don't. I love to chat with the guys who come in, tell me how their days are, what's going on in their lives. It is a challenge. My place of business is so busy that we easily do a million gallons in desiel fuel every month. We have 15 showes, four bathrooms, a full restraunt, two deli areas, a driver's lounge, and a barber shop. There are three televisions in various locations for drivers to relax and watch whatever.
One of my very favorite stories, happened about a year ago. I was working 3pm-11pm. I had a fairly new girl running the "gas end" (seperated by those who buy primarily gas, and those who buy mostly desiel, though we are all trained in all areas and can do anything from any register) and a guy comes in, wants to buy a bunch of those pretty glass cubes that have etchings in the center. Great. He goes to M and tells her he wants the boxes. She explains we don't keep the boxes, but she would be happy to bubble wrap them. From all the way down at the other end, I can hear him going off on her. So, I exscuse myself, go down, see what's happening. He demands a manager. I am the manager. He wants the boxes. We don't keep them but she will be happy to bubble wrap them. No, he wants the boxes. I don't keep them. Understand this? No room in our store for the boxes to everything we carry. After a while, he says " Do you want to make this fucking sale or not?" so, I calmly pick them all up, move them to the back counter and tell him "Not really". I walk away, leaving him with his mouth hanging open. He starts down towards my register just as B makes her way from the back. She stops to ask him if there is a problem. I am watching to make sure he don't get nasty. He says " You need a fucking manager that knows how to treat people" she calmly looks up nearly a foot and a half to meet his gaze and says "Did you talk to her like you're talking to me" he pauses, slowly nods, and she says " You should be ashamed of yourself. I think you should go out to your truck and think about what you did." No joke people, this man, who had to be 6'4" and at least 200 pounds, dropped his head, muttered "yes ma'am" and went out to his truck. Roughly an hour later, he came back and apologized.

Got to love the people.