My nightmare continues

Once I was in the car. Driving. Still numb from the pain. He begins to tell me the story.

They were fighting, again. No one knows, even now, what started the argument. Simply that they were arguing and she left the house with the kids. She went to my cousins. A cousin I had never met, but one that she grew close to in the time she had been there.

He called her there. Told her he was sorry, asked if they were still going to go out that night. She said yes and left the children there.

When she arrived home, the argument continued. Again, I am unsure as to what caused it, or what they were arguing about. But, in the heat of the moment she blurted out "You should go back to Tammy and I should go back to Mike." each of their ex-spouses respectivally.

It was then that he went into the bedroom and got out the gun.

The one she had bought to protect herself with.

Against him.

The one my father begged her not to buy.

When he turned around, she was standing behind him. Maybe she knew what he was going after, maybe she wanted to go and get it before he could . Maybe she thought he was going to hit her again and she wanted the gun for protection. Lord knows she knew it was coming at some point. It always did.

He grabbed ahold of her at that point and put her in a headlock. It wasn't hard. He was huge compared to her. He had around a foot and a half in height on her, not to mention nearly a hundred pounds.

They stood there like that, screaming and fighting, and he put the gun to her head, right up against the temple and the room fell silent.

"You are not man enough to shoot me Jim"

The last words she ever spoke.

Bang... Bang... Bang...Bang... Bang...

Five times he shot her in her head. Moving down a few inches after each shot.

The last one went clear through her cheeks. I remember seeing where they had fixed it when the morgue did her makeup.

He carried her over and laid her gently on the bed, he even pulled the covers over her. He set the gun down next to her on the bedside table and reached for the phone with his bloody hands. Her blood. He dialed 911 and calmly said "My wife's been shot." When they arrived, he simply lead them, wordless to the bedroom and pointed. When they asked if he knew who had done it, he nodded once and said "Me"

There was no remorse. They say the drugs and alcohol in him kept him from feeling it. I think it was because he simply didn't care.

They rushed her to the hospital, and she lived for two more hours. It was two minutes till midnight when they pronounced her dead. Saturday, June 5th.

I was told on Tuesday, June 8th. Three days later.

I asked him why mom didn't call me. Why she hadn't come to get me. He said they had went to identify the body and bring it back. Somewhere, it clicked in my mind, that they had driven >right past<>I< be allowed to see them. I was so depressed, not only had I lost my sister, but, I had lost my neice and nephew too.

It took nearly a year, during which time my mother had to sneak to their schools to see them, making them promise not to tell anyone, but, my counselor, was able to make it in front of a judge.

My first court experience. I begged the judge. I cried about the injustice. He must have found something powerful in my words because he ordered them to have visitation with us.

Their father divorced the women soon after.

But, of course, he wasn't single for very long. He remarried a women who had a child of her own. A little girl, around my nephews age.

The woman's name was Penny.

Thank God for Penny.

I believe this woman was sent into their dad's life, to save my niece. She began to take her to church. She treated her with love, and respect, we no longer needed a court order. Penny would bring them by to see us on their way to town, she invited my family to dinner with them. She held my niece in the middle of the night when she cried out for her mother. They could call her whatever they wanted too.

The marriage didn't last.Thankfully though, Penny had formed such a relationship with my niece though, that she sued, and won custody of her.

My nephew went to live with his father.

My niece is now almost twenty five. She will be graduating college this year, as well as marrying her childhood sweetheart. She will be a teacher. She has never given herself to anyone, saving herself for her wedding night.

I do not know, nor does anyone that we can contact. Know the location of either of my nephews.

The oldest, the last time I heard, was in the state of Washington, rumored to be on the run from the law for drugs. He is nearly twenty three.

The youngest. Was only two and a half when she was murdered. My parents decided they could not take care of him, for both my older brother, and my younger became terribly suicidal over her death. So he was sent to live with his father's sister.

It is something I never agreed with. It is something that still eats away at me. His father, at first, was not allowed any contact with him. They promised us that they would tell him the truth. At first, we were allowed to see him often.

Those visits were harder on me then anyone else. We would go to pick him up and he would cling to his aunt's leg and scream "Mommy Mommy Mommy" and he would cry like crazy when we picked him up and left with him.

Over the days that we had him, he would cling to me. I was happy to have it, for I clung as tightly right back. Then we would take him back. He would cling to me and scream "Mommy Mommy Mommy". It broke my heart that he would not remember her, he was too young to understand. He only knew that a women he loved, one that he called Mommy, had left him and never came back.

As a child, he was very somber. He would make jokes, but never laugh at them. He played next to the other children, but never with them.

It has been many years since I have seen any of them. Though I do keep in contact with my niece. She has told me, that she has virtually no memories of her mother. What few ones she has, are more like stories that we've told her. My mother, even now, refuses to talk about her.

My niece, told me her wedding date, and I paused. A very long time, so long in fact, that she had to ask if I was still on the phone. I choked out a yes, and she told me "I know you may not understand it, but, for me, that day really doesn't hold a lot of significance. For you, for grandma, it is a day of sorrow. I want it to be a day of happiness"

She is to be wed on June 5th of this year.

I haven't seen her in ten years. But I will be there. Nothing will stop me. I will sit up front and watch her walk down the isle and pledge her life to a man she loves with all her heart, a man who loves her just as much. I will witness them starting their life together. I know, that my sister will also be watching. Smiling down proudly at her.