Sea Of Life

I hate people. Not all people, just some people. Ignorant people. I don't mean people who are not book smart, or who's beliefs differ from mine. I am talking about people who spout random garbage out of their mouths without knowing what they are talking about. They have conviction, whithout being able to tell you why. They can't you >why<>proof< for people to provide. I would be happy if these ingorant people would say " because I have faith that it is supposed to be that way" I would accept that. But don't come to me, spouting bullshit you don't know about. Don't try telling me that there is nothing, or something wrong with me unless you know me, and don't fucking tell me that there I am broken because my husband and I live a sub/dom lifestyle. It is my life, get bent.

Moving on.

I see a light. It is shining brightly now, as if leading me out of the absolute darkness I've been in for so long. This darkness, is no ordinary darkness. There are no dim outlines, shadows, no heat left off of those around me. It's more like having your eyes and ears bound before someone tosses you off a ship into the deepest part of the icy sea. You get lost in your own mind while you slowly drown. The coldness stealing the feeling from your body untill you are simply numb, focused only on past mistakes and regrets, the what could have or should have beens. This is where I have been for so long now. Drowning in the sea of life. Somehow though, somehow, don't ask me how or when, a light has broken through and I am headed towards it. Towards happiness once more.

Most people wonder, with my three beautifull children and husband, how it is that they are not my light. They are my life raft. I cling tightly to them and revel in the warmth of their love, delight in their laughter, cry at their sorrows. Now and then, I feel myself slip away from them and I know that I am lost. I am never really sure what, or why, or how the light comes back to me, but I see it now and I am grateful for it. I will move towards it and turn my face so it can warm me with it's bright rays.

So, I promised progress in my life. Here it is. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read through the archives, I can't be bothered with the negative anymore today.

The college: My husband has started the first of his college classes. He is studying a very difficult course in the medical field and is now working on the pre-reqs to his pre-reqs for this. Four measly classes, most of the books we bought used, still cost us over four hundred dollars. Ugh. But, the positive note is that now while he is home with our kids, he has something else to occupy his time. Keep him busy. Building something for our future.

The mice: We managed to capture two of the little bastards. Call me cold and heartless, but, I wanted to just set those old fashioned traps, but no no, alas, my hubby would have none of that. So, now we have two of them, kept in a huge plastic, see through rubber maid tote. I was skeptical of that, it seem to indicate that they meant to keep it. It had food, water, a box big enough for the mouse to hide in and a toilet paper tube. This did not seem like the housing for a creature that we are meant to be getting rid of immediatly. My husband assured me though, that we would indeed be getting rid of them, setting them free in some woods down by the local fairgrounds. Imagine my shock and horror when I found out that the three kids had NAMED them. That means PET. I am not having mice for pets. Nope, no way, bottom line, period, end of discussion. So, anyway, third mouse, gets trapped in bathroom with husband, he calls for me to bring him something to trap it with. I get an old plastic mixing bowl and pass it through the door to him. He pushes a towel against the door so it can't slip past him. I listen intently for the loud squeeking of the mouse to tell me he was caught. They are loud by the way. Nothing, dead silence, so I press my ear against the door, just in time to hear the laundry basket move and the bowel to hit the ground. I excitedly ask him if he got it. He responds after a moment by telling me he killed it. He's got to be kidding, he does it all the time, so I repeat myself in asking if he got it. He opens the door, the man is pale, looks on the verge of tears, tells me that no, he really did kill it. He let go of the bowl and the mouse tried to dart past it and the edge of the bowl hit squarely on his neck, I think it must of broke up. Not a happy husband. At all. My eight year old tells me " Mom, you need to distract dad while I get rid of this, he's very upset. Then he proceeded to carefully wrap it up in an old rag and take it out to the dumpster. When he got back, he gave dad a big hug and told him it was okay.

Work front: Okay, so my job is still crap and I burned out as hell. Good news is that I have a four day weekend coming up. I will have time to put the links up on here that I awant to. Time to tear about the house and get it cleaned. Most importantly though, I will have time to eredicate the monstrosity plague that is head lice that my daughter has. YAY!

Money: Our money situation is still tight, but not nearly as bleak as it was. We have decided to file for bankruptcy as soon as we get our taxes back. It is the only way I can see us getting out of the debt that my ex-husband as been so kind as to dump us with, even though he was ordered to pay it all. Every time they find him he quits his job and well, I've had this job for nearly two years, I'm not too hard to find. Once that is done, I will breath so much easier. We can start rebuilding our credit and maybe in the next two years we will be able to get a house of our own.

Well, I've been up all night and am nearly asleep at the computer so I guess I better get to bed since I have to work tonight. Stay well and don't give up on me. I promise you links by the beggining of next week. I have some awsome blogs in my favorites.