Marriage

If you haven't read the most recent post at "According to Dan" you should.

I am but one person, so, my view is mine alone, but this is something I feel very passionate about.

When I married Chris, I had been through hell. Not only my childhood, but my first marriage as well.

I was the first woman he had ever been in a long term relationship with.

Things were not easy in the beginning.

He felt he had to provide money and material things.

He worked two jobs and I worked as well.

I was hurt and bitter because I felt he was avoiding me.

He felt unappreciated.

He wanted to bring me home roses and take me to dinner at nice places.

I wanted him brought home safely and be taken to our room for a few hours of peacefullness together.

It took us both a while before we were able to talk about things.

How much simplier our life has become since we did that. See, I do not need new fancy things, or expensive dates. I need to know that he loves me, that he finds me sexy and desires me. I want to spend time talking, playing games, and just being a part of each other's lives.

He wanted to know that what he was doing was making me happy.

I have to agree with Temptation. She said that "Men are relativly simple creatures (no offence intended, i simply mean in terms of their wants in life)."
To make Chris happy I need to remain faithful, take care of his children and home, and give him the love and respect that he deserves. That's it, that's all he asks of me.

There are times when we goof off and play around, we wrestle with one another and with our kids. Never though, never would I hit him in an attempt to gain control over him. That is simply not my place, it is wrong, I wont' do it.

I expect him to honor me the same way.

Neither of us are punching bags for the other.

So many times I see other women who give their husband's "the look" or a "warning smack" while out in public and I see the shame washing over their faces and the anger as they try to keep their calm in public.

Why do they do that? Because they are taught that women are independant and strong. Yes, that is true, but do we have to fight our basic natures? To love and nurture? To nest and build a home?

I don't think that we do.

As far back as man's exsistance reaches, women have been the homemakers, the caretakers. I do not believe this to be because it is something that is taught to you. It is in our primal urges. It is what makes us women. We can not change the fact that our bodies provide our babies with the milk they need as infants. It is the way it is. So plain and simple.

Time however, has changed that for us. I am grateful to have the right to vote, to work, to own property if I should so choose. But I also want to feel as if I have the right to choose to stay at home, raise my kids, dote on my husband, and not have people tell me that I am anti-feminism.
What good are all those rights if other women are simply going to go around telling me that I'm wrong for my choices?

Marriage is a give and take. It isn't 50/50 like some people think. It is 100/100. Each person has to be willing to give 100% of themselves to the other.

Sometimes it means giving, sometimes it means taking, most of the time, it means compromising.

I am proud to be Chris' wife. The very thought of it, even six years later, fills me with a joy that I can't properly put into words.

I hear alot of women complaining about how they wish their husband's did this, or did that, and I always wonder how much >they< are doing in their relationship.

Why is it always assumed to be the man's responsibility to be romantic? To take out the trash? To play catch with the boys?

A guy that I know very little, recently told me that he wants to move to another town and his girlfriend refuses to consider it and he doesn't understand why. I asked him why he wanted to move and why she didn't. He wants to move so that he doesn't have to drive so far to get to work (the commute takes two hours a day) She doesn't want to move because all of her family is here. He asked what I would do.

I would explain to Chris why I didn't want to move. Then I would trust him to make the best decision for us.

I did do this, I moved 26 hours away from my family to a strange city, a strange life, with strange new in-laws.

It was the best thing we could have done for our family.

Maybe this post won't make sense. Maybe how I view marriage doesn't make sense. But for us, it's what works and we are both happy with that. It's all anyone can ask for.