My dilemma

My Dear Friends and Readers,

I have such a dilemma that I am not even sure what to do, so, I will do what feels right and turn this over to you to give me insight.

To keep things from becoming very confusing, I will refer to all parties as >my< relatives although they are only mine by marriage.

J is the cousin. He is . . .not the most attractive person in the world. Not in spirit or in looks. He is mean and bitter most of the time and to say he was hit with an ugly stick is a gross understatment. More like, he ran into the whole damn tree. Nor he is he particularly brainy.

For nearly six years he has been a loner living in the basement of Grandma's house. There were rumors for a while that he had gotten a girl pregnant that he'd been involved with a few years ago, but, she had disapeared from his life long before the birth.

That is, until a few months ago. See, out of the blue, she called him up. We'll call her A. She told him that she had always loved him, that she had never stopped thinking of him and that he was the father of twin girls that were five years old now.

From the very beginning we have supported him. He has begun a physical relationship with this woman and was spending lots of time with the kids.

Now, I love children. Really I do. These girls though, are the most rude, obnoxious, demanding children I have ever met. They will literally scream their heads off before using the word please. Well, now that is all fine and well at their home where my children are not subject to it, but, when we get together on the weekends at Grandma's, I expect rules to be followed by >ALL< children, not just mine.

Still, this is not my dilemma. The problem I am having is that now, after several get-togethers where I have interacted with the girls, and thier mother, I find myself getting attached. Why is this bad? Because there is still no proof that they are J's. She left once before taking the girls, despite the fact that she says they are his.

Oh and did I mention that she is married? Yes my dear readers, she is having an affair with J. Now, I'm no moral angel, but let me tell you, marriage is something I believe strongly in. She says she isn't happy but she can't leave. I found out tonight just why she can't leave, you see, she has three other children. Chris and I are not sure if they are the husband's children or not, but, that is the "reason" she can't leave.

Again, so, here is the thing. J is leaving for the military at the end of the month. My children will be spending the summer with my family. So, do I continue to invite her up with the girls for our weekly Sunday dinner/activity night with the girls? Help them celebrate the birthday they are going to have soon (they both told me that they want to have their birthday party with us)? Or do I back myself off now in case she runs with them again, or, we find out he's not the father? Can I be friends with someone who is doing something I consider wrong? I mean, don't get me wrong. I understand it works for some people. I don't want to be a party to covering it up though. If it were me, I'd want someone to tell me ya know?

I want to be here friend, but, I don't need more drama. I want to have the girls feel a part of our family. I think it is the only thing close to "normal" they have ever had. When I work one on one with the girls (tonight we made masks and butterflies and puzzles together) they do great. They mind their manners and wait their turns and say please and thank you. They are beautiful and delightful girls and I think they would benifit from the influence of our family. Their mother has commented many times on how polite my children are.

So please please, I'm begging you, to toss something out there for me to gnaw on. I really need some help with this one.