I want to start with an apology and a thanks. I'm sorry I haven't posted lately, but, this story alone took a huge emotional toll on me and I really needed the time off. The thanks, is for all the kind words and support I've recieved from you guys. It has really helped.
Alot of people have asked me, here and through email, how I got over it.
I haven't. I don't think that I ever will.
I am still angry. I am still bitter. I want my sister back.
I want her to know my children, my husband. I want her advice, her humor. I want her to see the other thirteen nieces and nephews she has. I want to hold her hand as we sit together and watch her daughter come down the isle and start her own life.
I want so many things I can not list them all.
They will never happen and I am bitter and angry over that.
In my life though. I have two things that get me through.
One is that, no matter how hard, how difficult, how tragic things have been in my life, I know someone, somewhere, has it worse then me.
The second thing, is that in my life, I have love. The love of my brothers, my nieces and nephews, my in-laws, my parents occasionally, my co-workers (most of them anyway). But, most importantly, I have the love of my children, and my dearest friends.
They are the reason I can still smile, still laugh and still love. They are my everything.
So yes, I am bitter and angry over this. This is one thing in my life, and I refuse to allow this one thing, this bitterness and anger, to consume me.
I recently gave my best friend some words for thought. In them was a phrase that I strongy believe to be true. "Love heals all wounds if you let it"
My wounds have healed, the scars left behind by the them will always be with me. They will remind me.
Remind me of what I can not accept in my life. Remind me of what I believe love to be and not to be. Remind me of the kind of person, mother, wife, sister, and friend I want to be
It reminds me that I have the power to make choices in my life.
So, for those rare assholes, who seem to think I need to be saved, or that my sister got what she deserved, my bottom line to you is FUCK OFF. I don't need, nor want your shit. I am happy and content in my life. If you want to save someone, go to a battered women's shelter, listen to them, donate money, time, find someone who DOES need and want help, because you won't find her here.
1 comment:
Ah, yes...the ones that think we need to be "saved". They are the worst, I think, because their sympathy is so badly misplaced and totally off-the-charts. It makes you want to grind your teeth, you know?
It's funny, I was on Fark the other day and a thread started about BDSM. And several guys said they'd done it because the woman they were with asked them to. And they both had good times with it. Some still did, some hadn't since. But one guy said the following: "I could never punch a woman, even if she asked for it."
There was so much wrong with that statement that I almost commented myself to say, "Who the FUCK said anything about punching anybody? Good GOD! What, you think healthy BDSM is about that kind of pain? Just walking up and punching somebody? Oh, brother!"
So you see...they have this image in their heads that is so wildly different from the reality of what we do, they cannot relate. At all.
It's useless to argue with them on the matter, so I didn't bother saying anything.
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